I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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