I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
