Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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