You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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