hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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