i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
