i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
