I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
