Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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