I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
