I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
