Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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