Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
