A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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