This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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