I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
