Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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