Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
