i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
