i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
