i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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