if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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