Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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