I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
