The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
