please come you make the beer taste better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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