i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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