My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
