do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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