shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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