He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
