If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
