New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
