My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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