You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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