Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
zippers are such a cool invention
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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