I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
