Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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