I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
