i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
