he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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