My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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