Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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