All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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