Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Boobs speak an international language.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
