mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
