That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
