Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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