Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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