I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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