This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.