Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced