I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm at about main and main street
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering