you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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