she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
