This girl is more easily done than said...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
