I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
