Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
