I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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