Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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