Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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