having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
