So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
