I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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