What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
