I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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