his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
