Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
