none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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