Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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