I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
