like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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