I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
