she woke up with a sticky ear
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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